Job 23:10—“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.”
The sounds of battle filled the night air. But the sounds were not those of sword clashing against spear and shield. Rather, they were the sounds of weeping, sobbing; the sounds of gurgled words as a young man, deep in conviction of surrender, tried to talk and reason with God. Could God be trusted? Could God know for sure? Would God really give him the desires of his heart?
The young man ‘knew’ the answers to these questions. The problem was in believing. After all, what if God didn’t come through this time? What if God didn’t give the young man what he wanted? Was he still trustworthy? The sobs of the young man could be heard, “God, I want to give myself, my wants and desires to you…but I can’t. I can’t find my heart willing…make me willing Lord. Make me willing.”
As the young man wrestled, he felt as if his heart was about to be torn from him. He could go his way in ‘faith.’ A way that he knew wasn’t what God was calling him to…but how can one fool God? He knew the stories from the Bible. Godly men, kings, who started out serving God with their WHOLE hearts, became proud of their accomplishments and their hearts were turned from God.
“But this will be different” he tried to reason. “I will still serve God. I just want this one thing. It’s not a wrong desire. God can take all things and use them for good, right?”
The battle raged on and the young man felt his heart grow heavier and heavier. He knew giving in to God would mean surrendering his will and desires into the hands of God without knowing for sure if those desires would ever be fulfilled. He also knew that to turn his back on God and attempt to chase his dreams, to follow his fleshly heart’s desires would turn into failure and hurt and pain. But the question lingered…..would they really?
Why was surrender to a loving and caring Father so hard? Finally, at long last, the surrender call was heard. It was not the sound of a bugle proclaiming the surrender to all, but rather the sound of broken weeping between the young man and his Father. A weeping from a heart that was broken and willing to be surrendered to the heart and hand of his heavenly Father.
His heart felt light at the time of surrender, but his mind was also filled with fears and doubts. He felt so helpless now, so vulnerable. Again, he knew he wasn’t alone and vulnerable but he struggled to believe. The young man struggled with belief as he prayed the words of the father of the demon possessed boy in Mark 9:24. “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”
Job 5:17-18—“Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves; therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal.”
Sometimes God allows us to mess up, to fall. He does it out of his love for us. He wants what is best for us and that is to have us in the palm of his hand. Some of us like to wander, to explore. We become discontented with where we are and can’t stand not knowing the unknown of the future. We try to do life on our own, to make things happen. We grow tired of waiting on God. We think we know what is best. We struggle to believe the faithfulness of God. We need those reminders, those times where we come to the end of ourselves and have no way to turn but back to the Father who is patiently waiting for us.
Isaiah 42:16—“And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them” (emphasis added).
All Scripture quoted from the English Standard Version Bible.